


Shouldn’t Be Alive

by AyeAyeAye



Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018)
Genre: AU, Canon-Typical Behavior, David Budd Needs a Hug, David doesn’t know though, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Julia Montague Lives, Julia fakes her death, See Trigger Warnings, how is that not a tag he’s so precious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-24 17:27:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22221682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AyeAyeAye/pseuds/AyeAyeAye
Summary: When intelligence agents show up to a broken David Budds house, he doesn’t see the point in fighting.He shouldn’t be alive.But maybe he’ll find a reason why he wants to be.AU SET AFTER THE EXPLOSION IN EPISODE 3TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE, LANGUAGE
Relationships: David Budd/Julia Montague
Comments: 61
Kudos: 159





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I binge watched Bodyguard and it absolutely wrecked me so I wrote this.

“PS Budd. Please open the door.” Silence.

“Open up.” He got to his feet slowly, unsteadily, head throbbing.

He shouldn’t be alive. He didn’t want to be. He drifted towards the door, numbness spreading through him. Good. Anything to stop this — this clawing in his chest.

He opened the door slowly, and saw three suited officers. He didn’t recognise any of them.

“We’ll need you to come with us,” one of them said, flashing a badge to him. He was so tired, and fighting seemed pointless, because she was gone, and —

“Okay,” he said, and got into the car. They didn’t ask about his head wound. He’d picked out the pieces of casing himself after he woke up, but there was still blood crusting the side of his face.

”Where am I going?” he asked. Now his head had cleared from the fog of it all, panic was starting to set in underneath his forced composure. The man in the passenger seat glanced at him in the rear view mirror, but said nothing, instead pushing up the dividing screen to seal David away.

This was how it was then. The pain in his head was starting to become a problem.

He shouldn’t be alive.

He couldn’t see out of the blacked out windows, but he tried to keep track of the turns in his head. After forty minutes he gave up. The driver was most certainly not taking the most direct route to wherever they were going.

Instead, David allowed his vision to unfocus, let the minutes and hours blur together. Let the pain in his head pulse through his body.

He shouldn’t be alive. He should’ve been killed in the explosion with her. He should’ve died when he pressed that gun to his own head.

He vaguely registered the car slowing to a stop, and forced himself to reign himself back into his body and let his instincts kick in. The door opened. For a minute, he blinked in the sunlight before he could take in his surroundings.

A small, clean house sat in the middle of a field. Countryside, then. Not great for a getaway: no cover. They’d be able to see him for hundreds of metres in any direction. Suddenly he was angry at himself for letting them take him to a secondary location.

“This way, Budd,” the man who’d caught his gaze earlier said. David saw no option but to follow him. The officer lead them inside the house, and after a security check, towards a room with a huge steel door.

“She’s in there. She asked to see you, so here you are. You will be separated by enforced bulletproof glass. You will not be allowed out until we deem fit. You will not be allowed to speak of this to anyone, or both you and your family will disappear.”

David tensed at the threat towards his family, hand forming a fist. He was confused and groggy, but he could still probably take the man on. The door opened. David glanced inside, back to — shit. _Shit_. He looked inside again, and forced himself to put one foot in front of the other until he could see better.

Beeping machines, a bed, and a woman connected to several IV bags, with one eye swollen shut. Burns covered one side of her face and crawled down her neck, but he recognised her anyway. He could never not.

A sound cracked out of him, and he dropped to his knees.

“Julia,” he whispered. She turned her head to him.

“David.”

His breath shuddered in his chest. This was a cruel dream, or perhaps he’d died when he shot himself and this is what came after.

“David?” The word was uncertain, wavering and scratchy, but it was her.

“I’m here.” His voice cracked, and she turned to him. He forced himself forwards so he could press his hand against the glass.

“Hello,” she whispered to him, and the com crackled with her voice. He didn’t care who could hear or see him as tears slid down his face.

“You’re not dead,” he said. “Oh my god, you’re not dead.”

The officer in the doorway piped up then. “No, Sir. She’s not. She stepped back right as the explosion occurred, and it saved her life. We thought it better to confirm her as dead, at least for now, until the terrorists are caught.”

David was pretty sure that the man kept speaking, but he zoned all of it out. Not dead. _Not dead_.

“Officer Priton. Your services are no longer required,” Julia said. David focused in on her voice. She didn’t look at him until the door shut with a snick.

“David, you’re okay.”

“I- I’m okay? You —“ he forced himself to breathe, because it was the only way to stop him falling apart. Julia’s eyes narrowed.

“I was told you weren’t badly hurt in the explosion,” she said, voice quivering. “Your head....” He wiped a fist across his eyes.

“That wasn’t from the explosion. It was, uh, my cooker? It....” he couldn’t force the lie out. Instead he looked her over, gauging her injuries.

“David,” she said again, a prayer and a plea, and he looked back at her face. She pressed a bandaged hand to the glass where his own rested.

“I tried to shoot myself,” he choked out. A second of silence.

“Shit. _Shit_ , I—“

“I thought you were dead.” He let that hang in the space between them. _I want you beside me. Not because it’s your job, but because it’s our choice._

“I thought you were gone,” he repeated. Her breathing came fast and shallow across the intercom linking them.

“Christ, David. I’m — I’m here.” Then they sat in silence, hands pressed together across the glass.

“I want to - hold you.” He whispered, and her own face crumpled then.

“Infection risk. I can’t.” He nodded, swallowing back his tears lest he break down completely. Standing up was a monumental effort.

“But I still wish we could anyway,” she told him, and he closed his eyes as her words surrounded him. _Not dead_. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David has nightmares, but I’m a sucker for fluff so...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wasn’t going to make another part,,, but I got a few requests in the comment section and comments make me weak... so hope you like it?
> 
> PS: sorry if the formatting’s a little dodgy. Did this on mobile.

He slept lightly, as he always did, but without movement. It was not a dreamless sleep. When he woke, he woke silently, but with tears in his eyes.

“P.S Budd,” David announced as he walked up to the room where he’d met with Julia four days ago. 

“Lavender is asleep, I’m afraid, Sir.”

“I just want.... to see her. Let me see her.”

Officer Priton considered, then let him in with a quick ID check. After all, he’d been in every day since he arrived. 

“Hey,” he said simply as he shut the door. 

Julia was in fact asleep. His heart surged when he saw her so motionless, but watched as her chest rose and fell. _Not dead_. She was okay. They’d even taken away a small portion of the machines, he reminded himself. She was stabilised.

He watched her quietly for a while, until his heart rate slowed back down to a reasonable level. Then he turned and pressed his back to the glass. 

He’d keep her safe. That was what he’d been hired to do, what he’d been born to do. His head fell back against the glass. 

God, it all seemed so far away. 

The explosion, the hospital visit.

The words that haunted him. He barely remembered returning to his apartment. 

Only writing, telling his kids he loved them and he was sorry and telling Vicky that he wished it had been different. 

It was blurry, all of it, but he remembered the cool sting of his gun on his palm had cut through the fuzz. And his thoughts had drifted to Julia. The woman he’d failed to save. And then there was that pain in his head, and then there had been nothing. 

But it was okay, _it was okay_ ,  because she was alive and he would walk into hell for her. 

He finally let himself breathe a bit slower. It was still early: six or seven AM, but he knew Julia would awaken soon. 

“David.”

The voice woke him. He hadn’t realised he’d fallen asleep. He turned to see her. 

She smiled at him, already shuffling closer to the glass between them. 

It had become a habit:

He sat pressed against the glass on one side, her on the other, and they talked or just sat in silence together until a nurse came and kicked David out. 

Julia has huffed the first time he’d been removed. 

“We need to change your bandages. That means your gown will be off,” the nurse had explained. 

Julia had shot David a look that said she didn’t mind him staying for  _that_ one bit, thank you very much, and he’d laughed as he left. 

He had been a little scared to see what he’d failed to protect anyway. 

Now he took a deep breath and imagined he could touch her. 

“Sorry it’s early,” he said, “but I couldn’t... I didn’t sleep very well.”

She hummed a little in acknowledgement as she took in his face. 

“Tell me about it.”

“What?”

She huffed a laugh. “I haven’t left this room in over a week. If I had it my way you would sleep in here. As such, you don’t. So tell me about what kept you awake.”

“Ma’am,” he said, mostly out of habit. Then he hesitated, tracing invisible patterns on the glass between them. 

“It wasn’t what kept me awake, but the... the dreams that happen when I go to sleep.”

She was silent, so silent, that he looked to make sure she was still awake. 

“They’re about you,” he said. “There are some in which I’m at the hospital and I hear the doctors say that you are  _dead_ over and over,  and they won’t let me see you, and...” He took a steadying breath. 

“There are some when I’m at home, and I press the gun to my head, but when I pull the trigger it’s you who gets the wound and suddenly you’re dying because I killed you and I can’t save you. And there are some... some that are worse because they are here, and I touch you and you’re dying again and it’s my fault.”

The words stumbled out of him, and when he was silent again he just looked towards her, waiting for a response. 

“You could never hurt me,” she says evenly, and he breaks again at her faith. “Never.”

He opens his mouth but shuts it when the nurse walks in. 

“Out you go, Sergeant. You will be notified when we’re finished.”

He’s never been one for embarrassment, but his face burns as he stands to leave the room, head still spinning with his admission. 

“No, wait,” Julia said. He stopped, but didn’t turn. 

“Can you do - whatever it is you do to yourselves. To him. To disinfect him, so he can come in here?”

“That’s really not a good idea —“

“Don’t make me pull rank.”

He felt the hesitation hanging in the room like a tangible weight. 

“Yes ma’am.”

The nurse exited and David turned. 

“Why?” He asked. 

“You could never hurt me.”

He blinked. He knew he still had that too-fragile gleam in his eyes. 

Officer Priton opened the door. 

“Ma’am. Budd? You’ve been summoned to the decontamination block.” He waited until David had left the room, then shut the door gently. 

P.S. Budd rolled his shoulders and straightened his shirt, then walked to decontamination. 

An hour later and he was standing in front of a different door, kitted in a mask and scrubs. This was the door to Julia’s side of the room. 

He waved a hand in front of the sensor, and the door slid open. 

His vision blurred a little as he stepped in. 

“David,” Julia said, and the absence of the crackle of comms between them sent a zing through him. 

Then he was beside her bed, knees buckling to the floor. 

“My love,” he mumbled. She reached out a shaking hand. 

He took it in both of his own, relaxing all his muscles at the contact. 

He pressed her hands to his forehead, and she began to laugh. 

“What?” he asked, a half smile dancing on his face already.

“Nothing,” she said. “I just missed you...  _love_.”

And then he was laughing too, and it was a little breathless, a little desperate, but it was laughter all the same. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello sweet readers!!  
> So this was a one-shot, and I wrote the second chapter as a simple extension.  
> But I was thinking, if y’all wanted, I could turn this into a semi-cannon-compliant multipart Fic? Essentially it would follow two parts: Julia’s recovery and David through episode five and six, then beyond (because let’s be real, him disappearing is super sus and would definitely also point to his guilt so he’d have to return/leave Julia at some point).  
> So.... do u want it?  
> Kudos and comments appreciated as always


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You guys seemed to want a longer fic, so here’s the start of that happening! Updates will be at least once per week, and I’ll try to get them out sooner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it’s shorter than the others, I’m sorry for that. This is more of the bridge between the original ficlet and the longer storyline.  
> Hope you enjoy anyway!

“Imagine the scandal when I get home,” Julia mumbled, pressed into David’s chest. He idly took a hand to her hair and hummed for her to continue. 

“Well,” she said. “Home Secretary fakes death for weekend getaway on taxpayers money. Imagine the headlines.”

He laughed a little, thumb slipping through her curls. Her heart pounded at the sound. Rare — it was so rare to hear his laughter, even if she could coax it out of him more often now. She paused before shifting, feeling him tense behind her, but she simply moved until she could see him properly. 

“That reminds me. You need to... at some point — soon — you need to go back.”

It was his turn to study her then. His hand fell to his side, and her face burned as she realised what he was thinking.

“Don’t look like that. I mean, it already looks suspicious enough that you’ve disappeared for the week. The police don’t know. No-one knows.”

“No-one but me.”

“Of course,” she said. Surely he knew how much she needed him. “You’re more important than any of them. I need you with me.”

His throat bobbed. 

“Always.”

There was a second of silence before she huffed a laugh, and conceded with,

“Actually, the whole point of that was that I needed you to go.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Soon.”

He mumbled his assent, but they stayed curled against each other, neither willing to break away, and she let the quiet settle like a blanket over them. 

It was without warning that he sprung to his feet.

“Davi—“ he silenced her with a sharp gesture, reaching for his gun. She cursed softly, but the door swung open. 

The nurse seemed a little alarmed to be greeted by the business-end of a pistol, but Julia’s heart slowed. Christ. She hadn’t admitted it, not with David there, but since the attempts on her life she had become jumpy. It was such a small movement required to get adrenalin rushing through her body. 

“Sorry,” David said, but he sounded about as sincere as a pig apologising for rolling in mud. 

The nurse scowled at him, and he turned back to Julia. 

“I’ll take my leave, then, I suppose,” he said.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” she reminded him. 

“Ma’am,” he replied with a mock salute as he backed out of the door. 

She watched the spot long after he’d gone, the echo of a smile dancing across her face. 

He may be her PPO, her bodyguard, but there was nothing she wouldn’t do to protect him. 

She wondered if she should have offered a more sincere parting.

“You know, I wouldn’t have to do this nearly as often if you didn’t take visitors.”

Julia blinked. 

The nurse sighed. “I mean, i wouldn’t be checking for signs of infection on your skin every day.”

It wasn’t enough, these half visits. He could wrap his arms around her, but then she was always scrubbed clean of his presence afterwards, if gently and methodically. 

His lips had trembled when he’d first been allowed to touch her. She had wanted to take them in her own and kiss him, but the masks separating them rendered it impossible.

Still, she wished. Her spirits fell a little when she realised he had gone for who knows how long, and she hadn’t told him what she’d meant to. Not yet. 

***

Twenty four hours later and he was at his apartment. 

His... home. The word felt too big in his mouth, foreign. He wasn’t quite sure why. 

All traces of his smile faded as he stepped into the apartment. He’d been gone less than two weeks, yet a thin coating of dust had already settled on top of everything. He ignored it. He had two jobs, now: to hold together his own cover story, and to track down the bastards that had tried to kill Julia. 

Because they would pay. They’d slipped past him once and they never would again. 

He ever so carefully hid his gun in the wall. Never again, he reminded himself. Not now he had so much to lose. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... good?  
> Comments and kudos would be amazing x


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo here we are: part 4  
> Dedicated to all those who have made lovely comments!!!!

Julia has been bedridden for weeks while the worst of the burns healed. Now she sat with her feet on the floor, and she shivered even as she pressed her feet harder against the cold marble.

It wasn’t that hard to stand. She should just do it. 

They’d started her on physical therapy as quickly as possible, but looking down at her pale, scarred legs.... she was not hopeful to the effect.

Now, enough. She was not afraid for this. She would do it now before her nurses returned. 

She huffed a laugh and stood. 

Her left knee gave out and she half fell back onto her bed. 

This was a pointless endeavour. Nevertheless, she tried again. Again.

On the third attempt, her legs held, more through force of will than anything else. 

She breathed past the lump in her throat. What had she been reduced to?

Maybe it would have been better if she had died in that explosion. At least she would have left at her peak, and people would — David. 

She let out a long breath. 

She was alive, and glad for it, because she could share this life with him. 

Using the bed for support, she moved around to the mirror that served as a sliding door for a small cabinet. 

She crouched in front of it and stared at her reflection. 

Julia Montague has never been so materialistic to get worked up over her appearance enough to seem anything beyond presentable, but even she winced at the sight of herself. 

The skin on the right side of her face was raised and red, and lines of it sunk down into her neck and disappeared under her gown. She lifted a shaky hand to her own face but thought better of it halfway. 

Breathing. She should focus on breathing. 

It wasn’t enough. She caught another glimpse of herself and forced back a retch. 

She slammed her eyes shut and thought of David until she could get her breathing under control. 

Tracing his scars, pressing herself against him, even how he’d cried when he found out she was alive. 

This was why she loved him. 

She opened her eyes. 

Oh.  _Oh_.

She loved him. 

~~~

David could cope with the separation, cope with the anxiety, cope with the investigation, but everyone was saying she was dead and it was a lie, but he was starting to fray. He was starting to believe it. 

Day after day he’d said she was dead. 

It was not hard for him to slip into that act. He practically forgot she still lived across the country, consumed by his lies. 

Even though he knew, a tiny part of him wondered if he’d made the visit up to comfort himself. A larger part still felt the grief of losing her anyway. 

He lay still in his bed that morning. He knew he didn’t have to use for an hour or two yet, but he couldn’t sleep. 

He rolled onto his floor and did pushups until he couldn’t do anymore, then began crunches until he couldn’t think about what utter shit he was in. 

His alarm eventually startled him from his exercise, and he showered and dressed silently. 

He was close, he knew, to catching Julia’s murderer. _No_ , he reminded himself.  _Attempted murderer. Not dead_. 

The pieces of the puzzle weren’t falling into place, per say, but he could feel them drifting in the right general direction. 

He glanced at himself in the mirror before he left. 

He couldn’t let the grief stricken face shine through, nor the quiet joyful one he caught himself wearing when Julia was curled up in front of him. 

Find the balance. Get the job done. 

This was what he told himself as the investigation wore on. Get the job done, then he could return to Julia. 

It was going fine until his mate’s face was discovered and presented to him, and the surge of emotions rose up inside him. 

Grief first and foremost, the automatic reaction at loosing a friend, followed by anger, because this man had almost ripped Julia away from him before he’d even realised he needed so desperately to keep her. 

He fumbled his words as he shoved himself back into check, and Louise frowned at him. 

He blinked hard and forced himself to listen to her. 

“...I think it’d be a good idea if you stepped away from the inquiry and we get you some time with the counsellor, yeah...?”

“No!” David said. “No way. Figuring out who killed Julia, that’s all that matters. That’s the only thing that’s gonna make me feel okay again.”  _I need to make sure she will be safe before I can be with her again, because she is alive and I cannot do this without her._

He realised how deep his breathing was a second too late, and shallowed it immediately despite the way his lungs protested. 

“I think it runs deeper than that,” Louise offered carefully. “You just called her Julia.”

Shit. 

He needed an out, and this was good enough to be one. Loosening his tie in an attempt to help his breathing, he strode away and left the building. Shit. They were going to figure it out, he’d compromised her safety.... no. Logic — he needed to use logic. His minor slip was not enough for anyone to figure it out. 

But dear god, he was breaking under this pressure. 

He returned to the apartment as fast as he could and slid down to the ground against a wall the second he was inside. 

The burner phone he’d been given was only technically for emergencies, but he was going crazy and it was in his hand before he even realised he’d reached into the vent behind him. 

“Is something wrong?” The scratchy voice came. It was diluted by the low audio quality, but it was enough that his shoulders slumped. 

“I can’t do this,” he whispered into the phone. “Everyone thinks...” he chose his words carefully. “...she’s dead.” There was silence as Julia considered on the other end. 

“I know.”

“I’m starting to believe it.” David sucked in a breath. “I’m so tense all of the time, trying to keep it all straight in my head. It’s not working. The killers are still out there. I don’t know what... I don’t—“

“Shhhh....”

For one moment David thought he’d let something slip over the phone, but the next words that he heard explained it as mere comfort. 

“Come visit again.”

It was everything he wanted, everything he needed, but he knew he shouldn’t. 

“But the terrorist threat...” 

“They aren’t going anywhere. Neither am I. You may as well get over here for a bit.”

He could argue, he knew, but he didn’t want to. It was all so tiring.

“Okay,” he whispered into the phone. 

“I’ll send some people to come get you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t seem to keep my babies apart for very long they’re just so miserable without each other.   
> Did you like it?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a day late! My phone died (where I store the chapters) so guess who has to buy a new one? Anyway, sorry again...
> 
> Enjoy, lovelies!

The car ride was longer when David knew what was waiting for him. He wished briefly that he had taken his phone, or better yet been able to sleep, but sleep had evaded him as of late and the phone wasn’t worth the risk of being tracked.   
Instead, he stared at the blacked out window and recited everything he knew about Julia’s attempted killers. The briefcase. The intelligence services. Nadia’s husband.   
It swirled around him, but it didn’t come together. He sighed, checking his watch again, and closed his eyes.

By the time the nurse finally gave him a nod to enter, every muscle in his body was tensed under his scrubs.   
He frowned when he lifted his hand to swipe against the automatic sensor that opened the door. His hand was tremoring, ever so slightly, and he clenched his hand into a fist to stop it.  
The door slid open.  
The first thing he noted was how well her burns were healing, and then the part of his head that wasn’t consumed by being a soldier first kicked in and all he saw was his Julia.  
He locked her into his arms, hand instinctively creeping up to find the crook of her neck and thumb idly over her hair. He took a deep breath against her shoulder, and there, beneath the too-clean tang of antiseptic was the soft powdery scent of her.   
“Hey,” he croaked, and surprised himself with the hoarseness of it.   
Julia hummed in response, squeezing ever so slightly tighter. He took a deep breath, another, then pulled away from her to examine her at arm’s length.  
“I’m okay,” she told him. He kept his examination up, not quite sure what he was looking for, but doing it anyway.  
“God, I missed you,” he admitted. A half smile danced on her face, and his heart leapt. “It drove me crazy, you know.”  
“You said.” That smile again, teetering dangerously on tears. “I missed you too.”  
The tension faded from his shoulders, and he pulled her back into him.  
“Every day,” he whispered into her hair. “Every damn day I had to convince myself you weren’t a dream. And I almost thought that you were.”  
“I’m not a dream,” she said.  
“Oh,” he whispered, “you practically are.”  
He wasn’t one to say things like that, had never done so before, and he felt his face heat. He powered on regardless.  
“I thought you were dead.”   
There were those words, the words that pulled the blush from his cheeks. The words he’d said to her when he first saw her, surrounded by medical machinery.  
“I—”  
“Almost.”  
Silence sat between them for a moment, him struggling to find words and her content to wait until he did.  
“I love you,” he blurted out. Shit. She stilled enough that he went to step away, but a hand threaded with his own.  
“I have loved you since you came back to me after the explosion. I have loved you since I heard that you’d pulled me out yourself. I have loved you –”  
His leash on himself snapped, and he found himself in a position he knew so well.  
A position he’d found himself in the night after the sniper incident.  
He pressed his lips to her jaw where it brushed against him, and she melted into him, turning until their lips brushed.  
Gently, so gently, lest her burns still hurt. His left hand found her waist, and everything felt so right that he had to pull away and open his eyes to make sure it was real.   
“David?”  
He smiled, and her answering kiss was bruising enough that he threw caution to the wind and slipped his hand under the neckline of her gown.   
He kissed her as if he would never have to let go, and she moulded around him, and  
She coughed.  
He pulled away.  
“I’m fine,” she said, but coughed again.  
Enough that panic set in underneath his want, then overrode it so that he smashed his fist against the panic button, breathing hard.  
A nurse was through the doors in an instant.   
“Out,” she shouted in his direction. Another one that he hadn’t seen since the first day barrelled through the door. Suddenly the room was very, very small, and the edge of a panic attack was setting in.  
“Julia,” he tried to say, but it was more of a gurgle, and a nurse was shoving him out into the decontamination area.  
The second the doors closed and the airlock set in, security guards stumbled through the other doorway and pulled him out.  
What was happening?   
He was shoved outside, and he instantly tried to get back in.  
“Stay down!” one guard yelled.   
Officer Priton spoke calmly and swiftly by his side.  
“You go in there, you aren’t decontaminated, she dies.”  
He slumped against the wall. Shit. Infection. The coughing.  
He’d – he carefully traced a hand over his lips, still pulsing where they’d connected.  
Oh, god.  
What had he done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nobody:  
> me, the king of cliffhanger ending: heh


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoyy 😄

He had almost forgotten that sound. He’d begun to expect it when he talked to her, but in the past few weeks, when he held her against himself, he’d forgotten. 

Now the crackle of the intercom was a stark reminder that he could’ve killer her. 

“I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry,” David said, and hated that he couldn’t tell her properly. 

She smiled shakily at him, IV drips back in full force. Even thin and pale and with angry, still healing burns that weren’t quite scars curling across her face, Julia was beautiful. 

And he had almost killed her. 

“It’s okay,” she mumbled, and he wanted to believe her, he did, but he couldn’t. He shouldn’t have kissed her. He shouldn’t have been in there in the first place.

“It’s okay,” she repeated, more forcefully, and he finally raised his gaze to her eyes. 

This was the first he’d been allowed to see of her, and he couldn’t even bring himself to speak. 

She filled the gap instead. 

“Don’t feel guilty. Don’t. It’s not your fault.”

“You don’t know that,” he finally said. “Where else did it come from?”

“You don’t know it was you,” she shot back, then coughed into a handkerchief. 

David tensed, his entire body going rigid. 

It subsided, and he forced the tension from his shoulders. 

She spoke again.

“It wasn’t your fault. It could’ve been any one of the nurses or the guards or even some freak accident with the sterilisation unit for my bedclothes. You don’t know, and it doesn’t matter, because I don’t care if it was you.”

Her whisper grew forceful. 

“I would do it all again, even knowing I’d end up here, because you needed it just as much as I did. And because I love you. I still do, and I still will even if — even if I were to die here, then I will be thankful for the time we had.”

David’s eyes stung with tears that he didn’t blink away. Slowly, so slowly, he pressed his hand against the glass, like they had done so long ago. 

“It sounds like you’re saying goodbye,” he croaked, and she let out a breath. 

“I’m not going anywhere.”

He desperately wished to believe it. 

“No,” he eventually said. “But I am.”

This was never going to happen again. He couldn’t stay with her now, and then if — when — she got better, she wouldn’t be able to go home with him. 

He was going to track down the bastards that put them in this situation. And then he was going to kill them. 

The investigation progressed slowly, and David tried to keep himself calm. Short, quiet updates on the burner phone helped. 

She was okay, Julia said. 

But she wasn’t safe enough, wouldn’t be until he’d dismantled the terrorist group and all of their resources. 

And now he was fucked. Royally fucked over by Louise _bloody_ Rayburn, because while he was suspended he couldn’t do anything to keep Julia safe. He was _powerless_ , and he hated it. 

His phone rang, and he almost jumped out of his skin. 

His hand flew to his inner shirt pocket, but the burner was silent.

His throat bobbed, but he flicked a glance towards his actual phone display. 

Chanel. 

A surge of anger rose under his skin. A sociopath, she’d once described Julia as. His knuckles pressed white against the steering wheel as he waited for it to ring out. 

This was worthless. He’d failed Julia, and he’d failed his word. He should’ve picked up. It might be the only lead he had left. The Internet cafe had been a breakthrough of sorts, but he could only go so far now he had no badge backing him up. He should really, really check what that message was. 

“Hey David, it’s Chanel. I meant it about that drink... maybe...“

He picked up his phone and pressed redial before he lost his nerve. 

“David! I was beginning to think you’d never call.”

“Anything to play hard to get.” 

The words felt scratchy, venomous compared to the honey that he felt when he saw Julia. This was wrong — for her. He was doing it for her, and so it was alright. This was fine. 

Chanel laughed, and it was a harsh and fake thing, then began to natter on about how she knows where to go. 

It’s a drink, David reminded himself. Just a drink, for Julia’s safety. 

That didn’t stop him from taking his gun. He knew she must’ve felt it when she pulled him into a hug, but he was too busy trying to force himself to keep quiet and calm and breathing through the stiff embrace to do anything. 

He wasn’t cheating, he reminded himself, again and again. This was for the investigation, so it was okay, because he was hating every minute of it. 

He rolled his neck in an attempt to get comfortable. 

“I heard a few things,” he tried. 

“About me?”

“Yes. About you. They say your money comes from offshore companies.”

She smiled so easily David wondered if he’d been wrong, but he caught the strain in her next word.

“So?”

“I think there are concerns that these companies weren’t fully legit,” he said. He was close, so close. 

Her response was calm and even. Like a script that she’d spoken a hundred times, and it neatly evaded the question. 

Too many questions. He was asking too many questions. 

“Fair point,” he said, sweat gathering on his palms. 

He let the conversation take them away for a while, hoping to find a natural opening for his next line of questioning. 

“I’m so sorry,” she cut in suddenly. 

What?

The hairs on the back of his neck stood up, and he turned.

Too slow. 

He tried to stand but they were already resting warning hands on his shoulders. 

Everything was going to hell. 

His gun was stripped, and he knew he was talking, but he could barely hear himself over the thumping of his heart. 

He’d come so close. 

All he can think, as he’s manhandled around and pain blossomed across his cheek, is that he was so glad he left his burner phone at home. 

He was so glad that she would be safe. Even if it would be without him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok.... so very little Julia here, but the next chapter is all Julia for my Montague lovers out there 😅


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love a bomb diffusing scene...

“They’ve got him,” Priton said across the com system. 

Julia sagged, a flood of relief coursing through her. 

“Is he okay? What’s going on?”

She didn’t believe he was involved. Couldn’t. They’d updated her on the situation with Apsted, of course, but they hadn’t been there.

He’d told her the truth about the war before they’d been forced apart, his eyes shining and face so carefully blank she’d almost wept. 

And besides, they hadn’t seen how close to being shot he had been, or how he had grabbed her hand, or how he’d risked —

“Shit. They say he’s in a vest.”

What?

She might’ve said it out loud, because the guard gave her a sympathetic look. 

“A suicide vest, ma’am. Pardon my language.”

Oh, _god_. 

“Don’t shoot!” she shouted. “Tell then they can’t... can’t shoot. He’s not...”

Officer Priton looked at her oddly. “We can’t interfere, ma’am. We can’t risk your safety.”

_Damn_ _my_ _safety._

“And, ma’am?”

She took a slow, shaking breath, forcing off the edges of a panic attack. 

“What?” 

“We need to move you to a new location. This one may have been compromised by Budd.”

“He’s not one of them,” she said, and he winced. How could they believe that this man that she loved, the man who had sacrificed again and again, could ever hurt her?

Memories of his hand around her throat buzzed unbidden into her mind. That was different, she reminded herself. He wouldn’t hurt her. 

“Get me CCTV. Get me radio. I don’t care what you have to do to get it, but I don’t give a fuck, quite frankly. Now.”

“Ma’am.” He scampered from the room and she let herself slowly crumple on her bed. 

He was going to die. 

No!

No. He wouldn’t. 

But if he did.... 

She had lived for him. Because of him. Without him, she didn’t know if she wanted to go on. Didn’t know if she even could. 

_Oh, David. What’ve you done?_

The door burst open and she wiped a furious hand across her eyes. 

The laptop in front of her showed David in some sort of field. 

“I never wanted it to touch you or us.” His voice crackled over the radio, and Julia tried and failed to keep her face from curling into barely held-back terror. “I tried to stop it but I couldn’t. I’ve failed as a father, and as a husband.”

His voice broke. Julia could do nothing but watch onwards. Suddenly he looked towards the CCTV camera. 

“But... I pray, all is forgiven.” Julia rasped in a breath. She remembered those words, on the first day they had met. 

“And you were this bright light that came into my life. And I’m sorry it might end like this. But it was all borrowed time,” he said. 

This was for her. This was for her and he was saying goodbye. 

“Please,” Julia whispered, and it was echoed over the radio from Vicky. David wasn’t done. 

“And I’d never hurt anyone. You have to believe me, I’d never hurt you! I want you to know that you were my choice. Always and completely my one choice.”

She was sobbing now, tears streaming down her face. 

Someone advanced towards David. 

“Who’s that,” she rasped. Officer Priton looked on warily. 

“Expo,” he said. She let out a breath.

The scene unfolded before her, and she watched with blurry eyes. 

She shouldn’t have let him go. 

“I love you,” she whispered to the screen, though he couldn’t hear her. 

“Please, I’m innocent!” He yelled. “Please... you’re killing me.”

He was going to die. 

Julia turned from the screen and retched, grief clawing through her entire body. 

She vaguely registered Priton hastily leaving the room, no doubt searching for nurses. 

Then Vicky sprinted for David, and Julia wept harder. She could barely watch their exchange over the tears and choking grief still coursing through her body like the blood rushing in her ears. 

Slowly, David and Vicky walked through the London streets. The screen cut from camera to camera as it tracked their progress, then cut out. 

Where was he, where was he, where was he?

Julia retched again, nothing coming out, her head pounding. 

Please no. Please, god no. 

When the screen cut back on, David was alone, and for a horrifying second she thought he’d be shot and this would be the end of it. She forced herself to quieten so she could hear the radio. 

He looked panicked, but he seemed to have both of his hands back and is frantically wrapping tape around the trigger. 

Silence reigned, only interrupted by the crackle of their radio as David worked to save himself. 

Please. 

_I’ll do anything, just please keep him safe._

She knew when she saw the collected armed forces back away that they’d reached a critical point. 

Please just save him, she thought bitterly, and he looked wildly around as if searching for a cctv camera. 

He couldn’t find one, so his gaze rested just left of the camera she was watching from. 

_I love you_ , he mouthed, and it was as if in response to her own words earlier. _I’m sorry_. 

Then he cut the wire. 

Nothing. 

Julia closed her eyes as her shoulders slumped. 

She opened them to shouts over the radio, and David gone. 

She collapsed into a ball, hysterical laughter edged with sobs bubbling out of her. 

Oh, her brilliant, beautiful soldier. 

He was coming for her. 

And there was nothing anyone could do to stop him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consistent writing style? I don’t know her. 
> 
> Thoughts on David’s speech? Do we think it was subtle enough to not reveal all?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry this is a day late I got back from an army cadet camp and slept for like sixteen hours straight.

He wanted to go to her immediately, but he had some pieces of shit to track down first. 

He was on the verge of shooting them.

“You killed Julia,” he said, and it was a lie, but they’d tried, and that was enough that they deserved to burn forever. 

“It’s over.”

Police sirens sounded behind him. He heard officers approaching and steeped up to Aitkens, leaning down to spit the words into his ear. 

“You almost took everything from me,” he snarled, low and viscous. “And now I’m going to take everything from  _you_ .” 

He emphasised this point with his thumb, pressed into the pressure point on Airkens neck. 

David steppes back in time to be thrown to the floor and cuffed. 

And lying there, face pressed into the dirt, he began to laugh. 

It was half hysterical, but he couldn’t stop. These people had almost killed him, almost made him kill himself, and now they were going to suffer.

He let himself be led into the police car, let the official words wash over him. 

He’d heard them, he’d delivered them a thousand times before. 

None of this mattered, because Julia was waiting for him, and nothing could get between them. 

The doors opened and he blinked in the artificial white lights. 

Louise came into focus, gazing at him warily.

“Priton,” David said. “Get me Officer Priton.”

“We don’t have time for this, David. Come on.”

He let himself be pulled from the car, but repeated the same sentence. 

“Please,” he finally added, and Louise swept a glance over him and talked into her radio as two officers swept in as security. 

“....what the fuck? But — all due respect, sir, I — yes sir.”

She turned back to him. 

“You’re out,” she said. 

“You’ve been relocated. I don’t know how, or what strings you had pulled, but we’re not to keep you here. You’re to be treated ‘like royalty’ and taken.... god knows where.”

David stared back at her. 

“I’m going to uncuff you now, if you’ll cooperate.”

He held out still shaking hands, and heard, more than felt, the cuffs click off. 

Minutes blurred together, and David was lead towards a vehicle he was all too familiar with. 

Officer Priton grinned at him from the passenger seat. 

“Sir,” he said, then added, “you had us for a moment there. I was sent as soon as we had visuals on you.”

He offered a weak smile in return, but sat in silence for most of the ride. He was so tired. 

When they pulled up, he let himself out and staggered towards the disinfectant room, more on muscle memory than anything. 

The nurse took one look at him and ordered for a med pack, but began the disinfectant process anyway. 

He looked around blankly until he saw the door opening, then walked through. 

And there she was, bright and crying and  _aliv_ _e_.

“Julia.... fuck,” he whispered. 

She slowly, so slowly, closed the distance between them and cradled him in her arms. 

“My love.” She backed up one step, two, until they reached the bed and she sat them down. 

“You saved me, more than you know. Thank you.”

His head swam with words and emotions and exhaustion.

“I should—“ he swallowed, fighting off sleep. “I should stay awake and keep you safe.”

“Sh, sh. You’ve done that for months. Just this once — let me protect you.”

His eyes drifted closed. 

Yes, this was right. He was home, he was safe, and he was never letting go. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s short....  
> Also:  
> One more chapter left you guys have been amazing so it’s all fluff from here. Any last requests?  
> Comments and kudos pleaseee


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is to all my lovely commenters, and every reader who has given kudos.  
> In particular, @Go_to_the_Deathstar and @MontagueBudd have both been amazing. Yes, I noticed you. Thank you for all of your comments.

The bone deep tiredness had faded, and even though it lagged a second behind him, he had never felt more alive as he lay on the bed, staring at Julia.  
“I’m so glad you’re here.”  
He was allowed to say things like this, he’d discovered. In the past few days —which she had deemed “recovery” and adamantly sent away anyone asking after them — he had whispered them into her lips and her skin and her hair, between kisses and in the dead of night. Sweet nothings and promises of tomorrow.  
She hummed in response, hand idly tracing over his scars, dancing so carefully over the fresh bandages.  
“Borrowed time, huh.”  
He tensed a little, memories of the speech he’d made, half sick with grief and fear, the speech he’d made to her rising unbidden in his brain, but she swept a thumb across his cheekbone and when he shivered under the touch, they dissipated. “We’re stealing more of it.”  
“You remembered it then,” he said.  
“Of course. Those words — for me.”  
His throat bobbed.  
“I didn’t want to go without saying goodbye.”  
“Oh, my love. You never had to.”  
He answered by kissing her, soft and slow.  
Time dragged by like dripping honey until he pulled away, eyes shining.  
“My love, my light, my soul,” he admitted, not quite sure where the words had come from, but she laughed in response, and he decided he didn’t care.  
Comfortable silence slipped between them for a while, before he finally asked what had been nagging on the back of his mind since he’d slept enough to think straight.  
“Are you going back? To work, that is.”  
She scoffed a laugh. “Oh, come on. After all we’ve been through, I think I’ve earned a break.”  
“It was worth it, for you.”  
Another laugh, and he thought he might burst with the joy in it.  
“Please don’t ever do any of that again.”  
“Oh, no promises, ma’am.” He chuckled at her scathing glance, then rolled over to regard her with some seriousness.  
“I won’t... so long as you promise not to be the target of any more terror attacks.”  
“If you’re on my guard, I’m sure I’ll be okay.” He rolled his eyes.  
“Come on,” he said, and stood up. She looked at him under lowered brows, but he pulled her to her feet and pressed the button to activate the comms.  
“Priton? Frequency four, please.”  
A few seconds later, music filtered into the room.  
“Dance with me,” he offered, and she took his hand as the music surrounded their tiny, sterile room.  
“Thank you for the happiest I’ve ever been,” he said, and she melted into him, music pouring over the tinny speaker, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.  
He spun her as if he was still worried she might break, and he would be lying if he’d said he wasn’t still terrified.  
But god, she was gorgeous.  
“Let’s run away together,” he suggested, and he was joking.  
He was mostly joking.  
“Oh? And where would we go?”  
“Mm. Everywhere. I’d take you far away from here. Somewhere where we can dance that’s not a medical chamber.”  
She huffed a laugh against his chest, so he continued.  
“I’ll take you to Paris, if we can stomach it. Or somewhere warm. Indonesia. Or maybe India, so no one can ever find us again. I want — I want to share the world with you, my love. I want to share everything with you, from now on.”  
“Yes.”  
“What?”  
“Yes. Let’s go. There’s nowhere I can picture that’s better than by your side,” she shrugged.  
“You.... want to?”  
It had been an idle fantasy, a vague dream he’d thought of in the spaces between breaths as he lay bedside her.  
“I mean, we deserve a holiday,” she said. He spun her again, pulling her into his chest in time to hear her say,  
“Let’s go see the world.”  
A thought occurred to him that made him slam the brakes.  
“Your job,” he said. “Ripper 18. You can’t leave that behind, not really.”  
She sighed up at him.  
“No.”  
His heart sank.  
“Although.... I am technically dead. Responsibility free. So I suppose England will just have to wait.”  
It was ridiculous, but everything in his life had become that way. A blank bullet had saved his life, and the woman in front of him had made it worth living.  
So this crazy, stupid logic.... That was logic he could agree with.  
~~~  
A car had been loaded for them, and he didn’t know who’d done it, but he suspected Priton had something to do with it. He held her hand as she stepped out into the fresh air for the first time in weeks.  
She was pale, but she was beautiful as she blinked in the sunlight.  
“Did you mean it?” she asked, as they ambled towards the car that would take them away. “All those promises you made to me. Did you mean them,” she clarified.  
He squeezed her hand once, eyes fixed on the horizon ahead of them.  
“Every single one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You’ve all been so wonderful. Thank you so much for reading, and staying patient over the weeks of updates!  
> What was your favourite bit? Was the ending okay?

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed?
> 
> Comments and kudos make my day x


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